Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
left  A sketch that I wrote, Feel free to comment on my lack of talent   Options  V right
Light
post Apr 1 2009, 02:18 AM
Post #1


sacrosanct
**********

Group: Sacred Members
Posts: 886
Joined: 24-November 06
Member No.: 9



Ext shot: A car pulling into a typically vast IKEA car park. Inside it are a couple in their late 20s/early 30s. As they exit, they are clearly continuing a discussion which hovers on the verge of, but doesnít quite become, an argument. Her tone is affectionate but hectoring. His is one of unhappy resignation.

HER: Öand weíll only be here for an hour or so. Honestly, I donít know what youíre complaining for; we need new wardrobes and getting them here will be quicker and easier thanÖ

HIM: I know, I know. Look, I donít want to fall out over this. Can we just get started and get it over with?

HER: (smiling) Course we can.

They are, by now, walking towards the IKEA and are almost at the foyer entrance.

HER: Whatís the problem anyway? Itís just a shop.

He sighs and, without looking at her or breaking his stride, goes into what is clearly a rant that once may have been passionate but has been repeated ad infinitum and now sounds joyless. His eyes are taking on the 1000 yard stare

HIM: Because itís like a fucking maze. Once youíre in it feels like forever before you get out again. It makes me feel trapped and claustrophobic. AndÖ

Camera pans back as they enter the foyer. He speaks another couple of sentences, she merely laughs and shakes her head in that oh-so tolerant way that wives and girlfriends have when dealing with spouses and children.

The camera cuts to 5 different 2 or 3 second clips with the couple wandering through the maze of IKEA. Basically the layouts (walls etc) are identical each time but with different IKEA shite on display (bedroom furniture for the first, kitchens for the second, living room stuff for the third, lights and that for the fourth, kids furniture for the fifth). Essentially, these quick cuts need to convey the maze-like and quietly hellishly qualities that IKEA possesses.

Camera cuts to focusing on His face. He still has the resolutely uninterested look of a man who doesnít much want to be there. Heís casting his eyes about here and there, not really registering anything. We can see his spouse is talking but we canít hear her words; we hear the white noise that (to my mind) signifies utter boredom. Then he double takes. His expression goes from boredom to shock. The camera follows his gaze.

Standing there, in the middle of IKEA, is a minotaur. No-one else is even giving it a second glance; all the other shoppers are browsing and coo-ing over the excellent value offered by IKEA. The minotaur stands 9 feet tall. Itís incredibly muscular torso is covered by a yellow IKEA staff polo shirt, stretched to the point of bursting by the powerful physique of this monster. It is also wearing the IKEA blue trousers of a staff member; we can see itís hooves where feet should be. The head is that of a bull, but we need to be able to make out the barely contained RAGE felt by the beast. Itís eyes are wild and full of hatred. Cut back to His face, slack jawed with astonishment.

HER: Öwhat do you think?

HIM: Öwhat?

He still hasnít torn his gaze from the minotaur, which we briefly cut to. Itís pawing at the ground. Itís anger is palpable.

HER: About the mattress. Iíve heard that we have to buy their mattresses because their beds are non-standard sizes. ButÖwell, it looks okay to me. You?

HIM: IÖumÖ.itÖ

HER: (patience finally wearing thin) Oh for Godís sake! Canít you at least pretend to show an interest? Right; Iíll ask one of the staff.

She looks around, and sees the minotaur in his IKEA uniform. She starts walking towards him

HER: Excuse me. EXCUSE ME!


The minotaurís head snaps round and focuses itís piercing gaze on her.

HIM: (quietly) NoÖno, donítÖ

He starts to walk after her, clearly hesitant and afraid and perhaps trying to stop her but lacking the strength in his limbs to do so. This is in stark contrast to her, who appears to notice nothing at all out of the ordinary. She gets right up to the beast. Itís MASSIVE. The fur that is visible is shaggy and matted with blood and phlegm. Itís breath is visible as it snorts and paws (hoofs?) at the ground. Now, a minotaur may not sound massively scary on paper; itís just a bloke with a bullís head, right? Have you ever been up close to a bull? Theyíre MASSIVE beasts that, when randy, have a look about them that renders them into a ton of furious beef with a willingness to destroy anything in itís path. They donít say ďmooĒ; they bellow out a noise that is 2 parts rage to 1 part monster from the depths.

In other words, she is about to converse with a terrifying monster so it needs to look like one.

HER: Hi. I wonder if you could tell me a little more about your king sized beds. They look like a normal king sized mattress will fit okay, but I just want to check thatís right.

MINOTAUR: (emits a low growling noise from when she starts talking which, by the time sheís finished, is on the point of drowning out her words. As she does finish, the minotaur lets out a fairly loud mooing/shouting noise which lasts for a second or two. It finishes, snorts, looks her in the eyeÖ.)

HIM: Jesus! (despite himself, he moves forward to put himself between her and the minotaur)

MINOTAUR: (Öand slowly shakes itís head, never once breaking eye contact with her. It is, by the way, looking at her in the same way that a tiger would look at a particularly exuberant prey animal)

HIM: (still looking terrified, but mollified that it didnít attack her, he moves back so that he is stood by his spouseís side).

HER: Right, I see. So would you recommend that we get both mattress and frame?

MINOTAUR: (Lets out a bellowing, moo-ing noise that sounds like the crack of doom in a world made for cows. It is, if possible, growing angrier still. The bellowing ends with a loud snort.)

Cut to: The couple are sprayed with thick yellow clots from the Minotaurís nose. He is shocked. She doesnít even seem to notice.

HER: Mm, okay. I think that may be a bit out of our price range if Iím honest.

MINOTAUR: (Looks to the sky and unleashes a primal roar. It stamps one hoof, which shakes the surroundings knocking down various bits of furniture)

Again, literally no-one reacts to this except Him, who is still visibly bricking it.

Cut to: Another member of staff, busy with another customer. He looks up and a look of mild irritation crosses his face.

STAFF: Sorry, would you just excuse me for one moment? Thanks.

He walks over to the couple and the Minotaur.

STAFF: Hi! I wonder if I can help? Steve? Youíre needed in the stock room. Could you go and give Gary a hand with the delivery please?

MINOTAUR: (shifts itís furious gaze from the heavens, to the couple, and finally to the staff member. Itís eyes burn with malice).

STAFF: NOW please Steve.

MINOTAUR: (It holds itís previous stature for a few moments. Then it visibly sags, and a defeated look replaces the one of defiant anger. Sighing, it turns and trudges off).

STAFF: Okay, so; how can I help?

HER: Yes, we were talking about mattressesÖ.

The audio fades and the camera pans to His face. He watches the Minotaur slowly, dejectedly walking away. His look of fear fades. It is replaced by puzzlement and amazement and any other words with a z in them that end in ďmentĒ.

Cut to: The couple are loading up their car from the trolley outside IKEA. She is chuntering away happily, clearly pleased by their purchases and the wonderful effect theyíll have on their home (Iím sure theyíll ďopen up the roomĒ or something equally vacuous and redolent of barely understood feng-shui principles).

Whilst heís loading up, he gets a glimpse through a window into what is clearly the staff canteen. The minotaur is sat slumped at a table. Itís head is rested on one hand, whilst it stirs a coffee with the other. It is staring sadly at itís coffee. This proud, magnificent beast is clearly utterly dejected and depressed with itís lot in life.

He stares at it. The look on his face is clearly one of pity; he empathises with the minotaur. The minotaur looks up and catches his eye. He smiles awkwardly and offers the minotaur a wave. It holds his gaze. Hesitantly, it offers a wave in return. Itís eyes, previous dulled with defeat, brighten a little at this entirely unexpected but clearly welcome bit of human contact.

HER: Öto go.

HIM: (not looking away from the minotaur) What?

HER: ~sighs~ Never mind. (under her breath) This is the last time Iíll bring you here. (To Him) I may as well have come on my own. Youíve been no help at all.

She gets into the car. He watches her get in, then looks back. The minotaur is still sitting. Itís looking hopefully and heartbreakingly at HIM.

HER: COME ON!


Fin



--------------------
Light's deeply tedious blog

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
nailfreakrandi
post Apr 1 2009, 11:25 AM
Post #2


sacrosanct
**********

Group: Sacred Members
Posts: 530
Joined: 4-December 06
From: Somewhere in my computer
Member No.: 37



This is actually pretty good. But there is one thing it almost sounds like a spin off from the Ikea Commercial except she says, "start the car", start the car".

Good work light. smile.gif


--------------------
----------------------
"Sticks and Stones may break my bones but your momma may never hurt me"


User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Dr. Death
post Apr 6 2009, 03:21 PM
Post #3


Ultra Flaming Death Cow
**********

Group: Sacred Members
Posts: 7,463
Joined: 24-November 06
Member No.: 11



This is like, what, hypothetically for a tv show? Sure it's good, but you're injecting humorous bits into the narrative that would not be portrayed in it's realization.


--------------------
"I am the master... AND the commander." -Shake
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Jessica Rabbit
post Apr 6 2009, 03:55 PM
Post #4


sacrosanct
**********

Group: Sacred Members
Posts: 1,374
Joined: 24-August 08
Member No.: 636



http://www.amazon.com/Screenplay-Foundatio...p/dp/0440576474

Get this book, and learn it. It is a good read.

User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Light
post Apr 7 2009, 02:23 AM
Post #5


sacrosanct
**********

Group: Sacred Members
Posts: 886
Joined: 24-November 06
Member No.: 9



Thanks for the comments/suggestions. Much appreciated.


--------------------
Light's deeply tedious blog

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
wafflewaitress
post Apr 7 2009, 07:50 AM
Post #6


sacrosanct
**********

Group: Sacred Moderators
Posts: 976
Joined: 24-November 06
From: Sunny Eire.
Member No.: 8



I read this recently and just to re-iterate I love it. It's very moving, almost tear inducing..well 'awwww' inducing anyway..

Big Train-ish stuff. smile.gif


--------------------
All you need is love, love.. Love is all you need.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Dick Handsome
post Apr 10 2009, 08:08 PM
Post #7


sacrosanct
**********

Group: Sacred Members
Posts: 1,342
Joined: 10-April 07
Member No.: 315



Well I think it's a piece of shit. It should've involved a manticore and dairy queen.


--------------------
"You wanna know, you wanna see
How much you can squeeze
You are the one,
You are a tease
You love my demon seed
You know just what I mean
Climb on my lemon tree"


User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Light
post Apr 11 2009, 02:41 AM
Post #8


sacrosanct
**********

Group: Sacred Members
Posts: 886
Joined: 24-November 06
Member No.: 9



Nah; Manticores aren't bipedal y'fucking dolt.

A Wendigo might have worked though. Ditto the Dairy Queen.


--------------------
Light's deeply tedious blog

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
sunupu
post Apr 13 2009, 02:13 PM
Post #9


sacrosanct
**********

Group: Sacred Members
Posts: 2,842
Joined: 23-February 08
Member No.: 474



Not too shabby.


--------------------
The best way to get over someone is to get under someone.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Dr. Death
post Apr 18 2009, 07:34 PM
Post #10


Ultra Flaming Death Cow
**********

Group: Sacred Members
Posts: 7,463
Joined: 24-November 06
Member No.: 11



I got a pic for you too, Light. (Please don't start posting pics you guys; you suck at it.)

IPB Image


--------------------
"I am the master... AND the commander." -Shake
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
nailfreakrandi
post Apr 21 2009, 06:23 PM
Post #11


sacrosanct
**********

Group: Sacred Members
Posts: 530
Joined: 4-December 06
From: Somewhere in my computer
Member No.: 37



Very nice work Doc.
Right to the point, carry on. tongue.gif


--------------------
----------------------
"Sticks and Stones may break my bones but your momma may never hurt me"


User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
erin
post Apr 23 2009, 07:46 PM
Post #12


sacrosanct
**********

Group: Sacred Members
Posts: 357
Joined: 31-May 08
From: Chicago, IL
Member No.: 573



Descriptive and visceral... and something else, but I can't think of words. I'd love to see it.


--------------------
JUSTREMEMBERTHATYOURESTANDINGONAPLANETTHATSEVOLVINGANDREVOLVINGATNINEHUNDREDMILE
SANHOURTHATSORBITINGATNINETEENMILESASECONDSOITSRECKONEDASUNTHATISTHESOURCEOFALLO
URPOWERTHESUNANDYOUANDMEANDALLTHESTARSTHATWECANSEEAREMOVINGATAMILLIONMILESADAYIN
ANOUTERSPIRALARMATFORTYTHOUSANDMILESANHOUROFTHEGALAXYWECALLTHEMILKYWAYOURGALAXYI
TSELFCONTAINSAHUNDREDBILLIONSTARSITSAHUNDREDTHOUSANDLIGHTYEARSSIDETOSIDEITBULGES
INTHEMIDDLESIXTEENTHOUSANDLIGHTYEARSTHICKBUTOUTBYUSITSJUSTTHREETHOUSANDLIGHTYEAR
SWIDEWERETHIRTYTHOUSANDLIGHTYEARSFROMGALACTICCENTRALPOINTWEGOROUNDEVERYTWOHUNDRE
DMILLIONYEARSANDOURGALAXYISONLYONEOFMILLIONSOFBILLIONSINTHISAMAZINGANDEXPANDINGU
NIVERSE
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Light
post Apr 27 2009, 09:47 AM
Post #13


sacrosanct
**********

Group: Sacred Members
Posts: 886
Joined: 24-November 06
Member No.: 9



QUOTE(erin @ Apr 23 2009, 07:46 PM) *

Descriptive and visceral... and something else, but I can't think of words. I'd love to see it.


Heh. So would I....

Thank you. smile.gif


--------------------
Light's deeply tedious blog

Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.

Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post

Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 



- Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 16th October 2017 - 11:51 PM
Skin created by Vanson Studios, © 2006 Sacred Cow Productions