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post Dec 19 2007, 08:25 AM
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Well, I've been awake for almost a full 24 hours now and my mind is lying agape. There's little shreds of thought flapping about in desperate need of stitching. Little mind bogglings hanging forlornly in the cerebral broom cupboard. In an alternate reality I would be immediately hailed as a hero and a glutinous banquet would be thrown in my honour. In another I'd be prompty arrested and thrown into a special crime prevention swamp. The way the crime prevention swamp prevents crime is that anyone thrown into it drowns. It has a 100% success rate. I think that's just what this reality needs. Crime prevention swamps up and down the land. We'll round up the worst offenders against collective moral sensibilities and chuck the bleeders in. Let's start with Jeremy Kyle. Well, come on, it had to be him. Start as you mean to go on I say. We would be doing good, humanity might have a chance to heal from within. There goes Rachel Stevens and Paul Cattermole, no statute of limitations on their crimes! Fuck it, let's just have a full blown bloody revolution. Why not, I mean what else is coming up? Christmas only lasts a day, it'll be over before it's begun. That's what happens when you get all growed up. All the fun gets sucked out of it. So let's make our own! Revolt and bring a swift stiff dose of merciless and merry violence to the heads of lowly TV despots. Repeat this process till lightly purple/black. That sounds harsh and horrid doesn't it? Well it's no more than they deserve! Bring me the head of Esther Rantzen! She's half cabbage, half wrinkled stocking. On a stick, being waved about by a cruel little man with no sense of humour, probably called Simon, with a silent 'S'. Fuck 'em both! To The swamp of Justice!

'Heaven help me, I'm in the hands of maniacs...'
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