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sunupu
post Jun 30 2008, 07:13 PM
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Here, everyone tell your best jokes, then shit on all the others. Very simple, don't retard it up. I'll start (because I hate myself)...

Here’s a useful tip: If there’s a possibility of sex and you’re putting music on from your PC don’t ever put your music library on “shuffle all”. I’m going down on this girl at my place, and suddenly I hear "I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie woo-orld..."

This actually happened, only it was to Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'". I also heard Frank Caliendo has a joke like this, so I'm just saying I'm not taking his. Great minds think alike, I swear on my mother's tits. Carlin joke, fuck!


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Nedak
post Jun 30 2008, 07:40 PM
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Hmm, not bad, not bad. Maybe pick a song that brings out the situational irony. Sure, barbie girl is a horrible song but it has to be a horrible song that really effects the situation. Also, how do you go into your next joke from that?

By the way this is just my opinion, so if you want to ignore my opinion go for it!

Hmm, I've thought up some (what I thought were good) good stand-up pieces. I just never wrote them down. Maybe I'll think of one later and post it.
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sunupu
post Jun 30 2008, 08:27 PM
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The song itself is interchangeable, I've actually done like a million others. Power Ranger's theme song, Lumberjack song from Monty Python, Who Let the Dogs Out, We'll Put a Boot Up Your Ass, Kokomo, We Built This City, Nookie, OOGA CHACKA OOGA OOGA OOGA CHACKA, etc...

Fill in your own, I don't give a shit.


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Nedak
post Jun 30 2008, 08:27 PM
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Death Metal is always a mood killer.
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FunkBone
post Jun 30 2008, 11:15 PM
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I'm gonna work this one into my act tell me what you think:

So behind this dumpster in some alley somewhere these two sperm are swimming along, and one says to the other,
"Hey, I am weak and exhausted, for we are Nedak's sperm and are not strong swimmers. How far is it to the fallopian tube?"
To which the other replied,
"You must also be retarded, for though I am also a weak sperm I am smart enough to know that this is sunupu's ass, and while he may not be much of a man there is certainly no fallopian tube and we will die here!"
So they stopped swimming and took a dirty nap.


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Nedak
post Jun 30 2008, 11:38 PM
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Dude you don't mind if I use that do you?

Oh! and you forgot the part where you come along and lap it all up like the little bitch you are.

But there is a twist. You wake up to find yourself in a 69 position with Alex Jones and realize that his sperm tastes muucchhh better then Nedak's sour and weak sperm.
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FunkBone
post Jun 30 2008, 11:52 PM
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I like mine better. Sure you can use it.


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Nedak
post Jun 30 2008, 11:57 PM
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Me too.

I tried living up to your greatness but I'm sorry I failed.

*submits and lets you sodomize me*
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Nedak
post Jul 1 2008, 12:11 AM
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Anyways...

back to the original topic.
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sunupu
post Jul 1 2008, 12:23 AM
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"Burn! Hey Honey, check out this wicked burn I gave this guy! Oh wait, I don't have a girlfriend." See, if I wrote that the dialog between the two sperm would go:

"Hey, I am weak and exhausted, for we are Nedak's sperm and are not strong swimmers. How far is it to the fallopian tube?"

"Holy Shit, a talking sperm!"

Not hilarious, but at least the punch is meant for more then one person. Volume over value, I suppose. But let's stick to actual jokes from now on, eh gents? At the very least add a punchline at the end of your insult.


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Codeine
post Jul 1 2008, 06:39 AM
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Like the sun rises in the east, sunupu can be relied upon to pull out the "You don't have a girlfriend" card sooner or later in any given thread. Truly the pinnacle of coruscating comebacks; but methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Anyway, I offer not so much a joke as an observation:

If you download music, supposedly you're harming the music industry, yeah?

But if you download childporn, you're *supporting* the childporn industry.

I'M GETTING MIXED SIGNALS.


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Nedak
post Jul 1 2008, 09:56 AM
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That wasn't half bad Codeine.
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sunupu
post Jul 1 2008, 10:02 AM
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Okay, I used that line twice ever, a calling card that don't make. And to be honest who cares if he doesn't have a girlfriend, I may have one but it's not like she's giving me mad pussy at the moment.

I like the observation. That last mixed-signals line is Hicks though. Not a big deal, but sometimes a comic nerd in the crowd will call you on that shit, then suddenly everyone thinks you stole the whole joke when you only took one unimportant line. Best to steer clear of that bullshit before you go near a stage.


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Nedak
post Jul 1 2008, 10:13 AM
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Haha, there is always room for change in material Sunupu.


Also, was that no girlfriend shot at me? hahaha
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Codeine
post Jul 1 2008, 12:03 PM
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QUOTE(sunupu @ Jul 1 2008, 05:02 PM) *

I like the observation. That last mixed-signals line is Hicks though.


Is it? I honestly don't recall, it's been a while since I listened to him to be honest. Chris Rock is currently rocking my world, if you haven't seen "Never Scared" go rent it tonight. Anyway, if you'll excuse me I have some mp3's and CP to torrent.

Also, don't assume you're the only person here who's ever been on a stage; I suspect you're at least five years younger than me if not more. </grumpy old man>


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