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BadgerBob
post Jan 22 2012, 03:17 AM
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Given that it seems that the only criterion for running as a Presidential Candidate in America seems to be having a fucking stupid name, I declare my name to be Clitt G. Wangspangler Jnr. and humbly submit my canditature as the Republican Party nominee.

I look forward to having my private life ridiculed and being universally hated regardless of my policies or quality of trousers, as is our proud tradition here in the land of the not really free, and the home of the brave (as long as we are using long range missiles, remote-controlled drones or other advanced technologies).

God bless Chamerica.

Amen.


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Dr. Death
post Jan 26 2012, 08:54 PM
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You're neither good looking nor a celebrity. Making sense will get you nowhere just look at Ron Paul. Paul/Wangspangler 2012.


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BadgerBob
post Jan 30 2012, 12:22 PM
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I am a sure fire winner.

I believe in the protection of big business over the rights and well-being of workers. I believe in the right to life of all living things, apart from murderers who need to fry for the paying public. I believe in making the world a democracy, even if they show their democratic wish not to be one. I believe in one God, whichever one allows me to win the next election. I am not anti-immigration, but I am pro-American. I believe in only giving foreign aid to countries who agree not to use contraception.

There. That should so it. And I can smile and make my hair go shiny and bouncy and wear a shirt but no tie and preach to a rally but have no sweat stains under my arms. And I can guarantee that god will bless America.

Hallellujah!


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Dr. Death
post Jan 30 2012, 10:14 PM
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I think you're confusing the pope with the president on that last part.

You're using pro life to attack capitol punishment instead of the other way around. That fucks up the emphasis of that whole bit. It sounds backwards and ineffectual.

I could give a fuck about capitol punishment anyway. How about fixing the real problems with the judicial system. Frivolous lawsuits, loopholes that circumvent justice, emphasis on what is "correct" instead of what is right... I can live with killing murderers or locking them up, it's a bullshit issue same as abortion. We have reasonable enough laws for both those things already. They are just talking points to cater to small-minded people's superstitions.


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BadgerBob
post Jan 31 2012, 10:58 AM
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Issues are issues if the press say they are issues.

Loopholes? Most people think they are a kind of children's pasta in tomato sauce.

And the pro-life/capital punishment agenda - you don't get that? You don't get the paradox?

Anyway... I am the right man for the job. You can be the right bitch to hold my shitty stick that I will use to poke away the poor and the hungry and other assorted huddled masses.

And evangelical is the new political. So it is hallellujah once more.

Oh, and yee-haw, as cowboy is in with the voter too.

Yee-haw-hall-lay-looo-yahhh!


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Dr. Death
post Feb 2 2012, 08:19 PM
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I understand the paradox. I think you just stated it poorly. You ended it with killing criminals instead of babies. It's telling the punchline before the joke. Anyway it's not worth bringing up again.

I will take that stick and shove it up your ass like every other political puppet. You will need someone with brains like me behind the curtain, though I can't say you're much of a face. You need a bigger gimmick, transgender maybe. I think the people are ready for it. A nice pair of tits I think and you would be a shoe in.


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BadAlbert
post Feb 4 2012, 10:23 AM
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Do you look enough like a varnished scrotum to please the braying apes?


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BadgerBob
post Feb 4 2012, 11:24 AM
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QUOTE(Dr. Death @ Feb 3 2012, 02:19 AM) *

I understand the paradox. I think you just stated it poorly. You ended it with killing criminals instead of babies. It's telling the punchline before the joke. Anyway it's not worth bringing up again.

I will take that stick and shove it up your ass like every other political puppet. You will need someone with brains like me behind the curtain, though I can't say you're much of a face. You need a bigger gimmick, transgender maybe. I think the people are ready for it. A nice pair of tits I think and you would be a shoe in.


Look, I only took you on to stop your mother's constant advances. You have no brains, they are slow to develop in 17 year old boys, so you take the stick and you do as you're told, fuckaknuckle.

As to the question from the distinguished gentleman in the corner squeezing mice, I am as handsome and polished as an attractive sideboard.

I am tough on everything bad and love all good things allowed by the bible in moderation.

I may have fucked a pony once, yes, but it was consensual, and it was only when I realised it was just the fancy saddle I adored, I foreswore the appeal of our equine friends.

Remember kids: smoke but don't inhale.

That is all.



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FunkBone
post Feb 21 2012, 07:06 PM
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QUOTE(BadgerBob @ Feb 4 2012, 12:24 PM) *

realised

As you're campaigning through America, you may want to learn when to use the zed.


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BadgerBob
post Feb 22 2012, 01:27 PM
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QUOTE(FunkBone @ Feb 22 2012, 01:06 AM) *

As you're campaigning through America, you may want to learn when to use the zed.


That's the kind of forward thinking we need.

You're on the team.

I am having my balls waxed for photo ops this Friday, followed by prayer meetings on Saturday and shooting guns at infidel pro-abortionist liberals on Sunday.


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Dr. Death
post Feb 22 2012, 05:48 PM
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QUOTE(BadgerBob @ Feb 22 2012, 01:27 PM) *

That's the kind of forward thinking we need.

You're on the team.

I am having my balls waxed for photo ops this Friday, followed by prayer meetings on Saturday and shooting guns at infidel pro-abortionist liberals on Sunday.


I like the ball waxing. Work that angle whenever you get the opportunity. It tells me you are in tune with my modern American personal appearance issues, yet still cherish the same traditional values I hold dear.


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BadgerBob
post Feb 23 2012, 01:40 PM
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QUOTE(Dr. Death @ Feb 22 2012, 11:48 PM) *

I like the ball waxing. Work that angle whenever you get the opportunity. It tells me you are in tune with my modern American personal appearance issues, yet still cherish the same traditional values I hold dear.


It also makes for a smoother personal appearance whilst wiggling on a chin, showing I am sensitive to the needs of others.

The caring side of evil.


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Dr. Death
post Feb 23 2012, 03:50 PM
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QUOTE(BadgerBob @ Feb 23 2012, 01:40 PM) *

It also makes for a smoother personal appearance whilst wiggling on a chin, showing I am sensitive to the needs of others.

The caring side of evil.


I have been contacted by a manufacturing company trying to push their new line of cosmetic scrotum balm. Your endorsment will also mean a large campaign donation, so its win-win. Once we procur this thing I need you to fly out directly and do some PR at a new orphanage ground breaking ceremony so take along plenty of meth and make sure to shine those jewels like diamonds; you will be doing a photo-op with a brave young mexican boy who has cerebral palsy.


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BadgerBob
post Feb 25 2012, 01:54 PM
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QUOTE(Dr. Death @ Feb 23 2012, 09:50 PM) *

I have been contacted by a manufacturing company trying to push their new line of cosmetic scrotum balm. Your endorsment will also mean a large campaign donation, so its win-win. Once we procur this thing I need you to fly out directly and do some PR at a new orphanage ground breaking ceremony so take along plenty of meth and make sure to shine those jewels like diamonds; you will be doing a photo-op with a brave young mexican boy who has cerebral palsy.


Again?

God, it's the same-old same-old on the campaign bandwagon.


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Dr. Death
post Feb 25 2012, 04:44 PM
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You need to start merchandising. That is how these things are won. How about "Balls Not Bureaucracy" hats, T-shirts, bumper stickers?

We have already gone ahead and marked up a prototype for this, and I must say the test-group response had some staggering figures you need to sit down and look at. Best of all is the increased visibility of the soft plastic scrotum sacks we have attached for a novelty appearance. You can put your change in there too, so they are even functional! The Chinese have warehouses full of these for pennies a crate; there was a dildo recall because of lethal paint toxicity/small parts breaking off easily... but they should be completely fine for our intended usage.


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