76 members riding upon the back on the new cow. Who are these people and why?

As you all know I am BadAlbert, part man, part myth. Why? Because I feel like it.

Whooooooo...are you....who-oo...oo-ooo....? Great song.

Hi. i'm Robbie, I'm an Aries, my measurements are 36 - 42 - 38, and I'm a shameless self-promotor operating mainly on more succesful comedians' websites. I survive mainly on Sugarpuffs.

Hi Iam Nailfreak Randi. I live somewhere in Southern California and I am a sagittarius (pardon My spelling on this one). Nice to meet you Bad Albert. Welcome aboard. you are the man!!!!

My name's Dr. Death. I'm this guy who posts on here sometimes.

My name is Betty. I like fish. My hobbies include clam digging, highway survey crew, idol worship, and walking across shards of broken glass in my bare feet. My last date was with poster nut bag, but it didn't work out due to a tiny penis. I need some girth. Am I right ladies? Tiny penis holders should be exiled to tiny penis island. I haven't time for tiny penis'.

Call me for a date at my toll free 800 number. 1-800-BETTYLICIOUS. You can see some naked pictures of me at bettylicious.org.

This mugshot of me should really get your blood boiling.

This would have been the perfect place to use that Juggernaut line but now its played out. Oh well what can you do.

I'm still Dr. Death.

I'm a sick person, I laughed at this this -










I'm also highly allergic to penicillin and should wear a medi-alert, but I don't. It's called living life on the edge.

I've fallen and I can't get up! (brits might not get this one.....it was an american commercial.....sorry advertisment)

I like peanut butter sandwiches.

I'm Light. I'm a Scorpio. I have the biggest ego in the western hemisphere, and unashamedly bully bullies until they become obsessed with me.
If I have ever made you angry, then I am better than you. If I have never made you angry, then I am better than you.
Just over a month ago, I shouted "You sicken me!" at William Hague. It was one of the finest moments in my life.
I have killed a man.

<Cough> Homo! <Cough>

<Cough> Yes you are! <Cough>

You deserve some kind of prize for that sterling effort.

<Cough> Shutup Light, you're stupid. <Cough>

I agree. This is funny. Its not funny for people to be injured in an accident, but the look on that womans face makes it rather comical to me. Does that make me a sick person?

Stranger Danger! BadAlbert sent me some weird Personal Message. He said he sees me shaking my ass. That sir was just wrong.

It was metaphorical shaking. But as an experiment it worked out just as I expected. I shall now put your name into one of the many labelled jars on my shelf.

Lights name must be in the jar titled "Bitch"

I would label it "muffin" because he is my sweet muffin.

Wanna be the ruler of the galaxy
Wanna be the king of the universe
Let's meet and have a baby now!
Wanna be the empress of fashion
Wanna be the president of moscow
Let's meet and have a baby now!

La! la! la! la! la!
La! la! la! la! la!
La! la! la! la! la!
La! la! la! la! la!

Hey, i'm fred the cancerian from new jersey!
I like collecting records and exploring
The cave of the unknown!

Hello, i'm cindy, i'm a pisces!
And i like chihuahuas and
Chinese noodles!

Wanna be the first lady of infinity
Wanna be the nicest guy on earth
Let's meet and have a baby now!

La! la! la! la! la!
La! la! la! la! la!
La! la! la! la! la!
La! la! la! la! la!
Now! now! now! now! now! now!
Now! la! la! la! la! la!

Hi, my name is ricky and i'm a pisces!
I love computers and hot tamales!

Hey, i'm kate and i am a taurus!
I love tomatoes and black-capped
Chickadees!

Hey, my name is keith and i'm a
Scorpio from athens, g-a and i like
To find the essence from within

Wanna be the captain of the enterprise
Wanna be the king of the zulu
Let's meet and have a baby now!

Wanna be the daughter of dracula
Wanna be the son of frankenstein
Let's meet and have a baby now!

Wanna be mother-father!
Wanna be daughter-son!
Wanna be captain!
Wanna be ruler-king and empress!..

I'm Zero. I'm from Sweden and much too young to know what to say so I quote people that are smarter than me and/or link images featuring those much dumber in my posts:

Welcome Zero, always room for fresh virginal meat..I mean snow - sorry. tell me, do you roll around neked in the snow after one of those Swedish saunas ?

Ok, so we've had your loathings, now what are your likings..in your own words please.

Thanks for welcoming me, although I have to point out any crazy rumours about saunas and the likes you've heard were about our neighbours to the east, the Finnish. Also, we don't have any snow at the moment, just rain. Hrm. Anyway, my likings, huh? Well, let's try reversing the quote I used (by the way the image in my previous post got pulled down, or something, and I can't edit it):


Or more seriously:
No major shocker, I like the stand-up comedy of Bill Hicks (just finished reading Agent of Evolution) as well as that of Richard Pryor, George Carlin and Mitch Hedburg. I'm not sure from where I found Bill's comedy, but it was about a year or so ago when I was bored and browsing through descriptions of different stand-up comics and found Bill's entry. It said something like "satirical and with strong left wing view of politics, Hicks has described himself as 'Chomsky with dick jokes'". That was it, I didn't need to look any further. I looked up what he has done and I've been collecting every piece of material I've been able to find since then. He's still almost unknown up here, at least I've never found anyone that knew about him before-hand, but after I've shown some material almost everyone is laughing their asses off.

Besides comedy I'm very interested in expansion of conciousness and also the nature of human beliefs and the search for knowledge. I'm that guy always having pointless discussions with his friends about.. well, most everything. Bill's ideas that we're pretty much "a virus in shoes" resonates soundly with me. By looking around at what we've done with the world and each other so far it's not hard to argue that in some aspects the best solution for the rest of the universe would be if we just blew ourselves up right now. The limits on free speech (or lack thereof) is another favourite - should there be things that people aren't even allowed to joke about?

You may be young Zero, but after reading the above I'd say you've got a head start already. As for jokes on anything, my own personal view is ...whatever gets you through the night, and if you can find humour within tragedy , and not at your listeners expense, then why not? Better to laugh than cry - right?

I'm Obliviax and I have migrated from the first SCF.

I throw out the occasional post, but mostly I just check in to read and get some good laughs.

What? This guys from Sweden? Ptff... I stopped reading after I found that out. They're all fuckin' weird up there. Have you seen that Bjork chick? I think this guy is like the Bjork of the message board... or maybe he's the Vanilla Ice that is the Dane Cook of the message board. Let me get with Kevin on that one.

Again, hate to spoil your fun with the stereotypes and such, but Björk is actually from Iceland (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bj%C3%B6rk). She's fuckin' weird though, granted. Not to say that I'm not as well (in slightly different ways), but you could compare me to a member of ABBA or something. Or better (worse) yet, to Basshunter. If you don't know who he is, thank whatever deity you believe in for that fact and don't look it up. Really.

Well, I think Bjork has a weird sexual energy about her, turns out some good songs too.


I would.

Does anybody else think this looks like Harland Williams ?

Wow, Kevin Costner has really let himself go.

You say tomato... I say fuckin' weirdo... Same difference.

Yes, yes it does. So is there a punchline Obliviax?

The punchline is... that... you... suck.

Sorry, I couldn't think of anything.

The punchline is... that... you... are... a... uh... guy... who... sucks.

Ok, let me try again. I'm just going to brainstorm.

The punchline is... your mother... she has... a little box... and she keeps... little... uh... like there's this big black spider and he's crawling up your neck and I squash it and I punch you in the neck and you can't breath and then I take a big roll of duct tape and I tape it around your face like a mummy and there's this clown and he's riding a bicycle, it's got a little horn on it because his name is horny the clown that's got to be the dumbest part of the story right there and horny the clown comes and sticks his little red nose right up your butthole and then the phone rings... I answer it and this guy, he's like speaking all fast and I'm like hello! hello! calm the fuck down guy and tell me what you want and so he says there's been an accident and I'm like yeah there's about to be another one on your head when I unleash these guns on it, who gave you this number? It's not listed. Then the horny clown he's all like hey, you know, check it out I brought this little box where I keep little uh... so then he gets interupted because this fuckin' bird flies in through the doorway and you're not still reading this are you?

This should be stickied so people on here can introduce themselves, and because it's a super duper thread.

Hey, I got an idea, let's listen to whatever Dick / Dr. Death says so we can inflate his enormously large ego and show all the new members what prick he is.

Hi, I'm Trukker Jr. Fan of Hicks comedy and all things similar. Nice peeping in on your conversations and ya'll make me laugh, sometimes. Not lately tho.

noob.

Hi all. I'm a guy from England. I'm dry.

Few moments in life are truly beautiful....

Look at em dance !1

Hi Parabol guy from England who's dry!!!! Welcome to the Sacred Cow Boards!!! We hope you have fun here!!!!
And if you have any trouble havin fun then please do contact our Fun Consultant an' we'll soon have you sorted out!!!

Seriously though please don't go..don't be like the others...stay a while..lounge in the Sacred Boudoir whilst Dick Handsome regales you with tales of mighty threads and the bitter battles therein...



..and beware the one they call Nailfreakrandi..she'll scratch your eyes right outta your head...

Thanks Wafflewaitress.
I won't be going anywhere.

Great pic btw.

WW, that dancing girl would make a better avatar for you than some old fag child molester from Harry Potter.

That storm trooper avatar was my buddy Tom's Myspace profile picture as a matter of fact. Not the Tom from my space mind you, just a guy I know named Tom who happens to have a MySpace. I explained that same thing to BadAlbert a while back. Not the BadAlbert mind you, just a guy I know who happens to suck dick.

What a welcome..I should've directed the guy to BadAl instead...pshhh..yer losing it...

And I love my avatar.

Or would this one be better?


Or this?


Or actually I think this one will appeal to you more so..

You know, you're the only one here who thinks you can best me? How ironic, in that that also makes you the most foolish.

Take a seat wherever you're comfortable there Mr Handsome..

You can take your masonic symbolism elsewhere, you puppet for the New World Order. Funkbone, dispatch of the tainted one and perferate her thusly with thine truths.

If you had bothered to read that you would see it has nothing to do with masonic symbolism or New World Order. Gimp.